ATTENTION TO THE MEN WHO READ MY BLOG: Talk of periods, poop and PMS to follow. Proceed with caution.
Getting older sucks. Gray hair, wrinkles, constipation and, as if that wasn’t enough, peri-menopause and menopause. Welcome to the world of irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain and severe mood swings … Good times! Think lions and tigers and bears are scary? Try living with a woman going through menopause … Screaming and crying and swearing, oh my!
T.M.I. Alert: I haven’t had a period since November 2012. Thanksgiving day, to be exact. Almost three years ago. Menopause at age 40 … Yep, it’s true.
Between the ages of 38 and 40, I experienced typical peri-menopause symptoms: hot flashes and night sweats, sporadic periods and severe mood swings, sleepless nights and unexplained weight gain. I thought I had severe PMS. My family thought I was a crazy bitch with an attitude problem. It sucked. A LOT. For me and everyone near me. But it’s over now and I have to admit, being on the other side of menopause does have some benefits. Here are the five best things about being post-menopausal:
- I save money not buying tampons and pads every month.
- I can wear white whenever I want.
- I spend less time shaving your legs (less body hair is another fun side effect of menopause).
- Three words: No more PMS.
- Two words: Safer sex (no birth control required!).
But for every positive, there’s a negative, right? For example, …
- All the money I save not buying tampons is now spent on Poise pads and Benefiber.
- I still use “protection” when I wear white — just in case (you never know!).
- Less body hair applies everywhere, including eyebrows (although, I am constantly checking for old lady chin hairs).
- No PMS means I have no excuse for my bitchiness.
- No eggs = no more babies … Actually, at 43, I’m not sure there is a down side to this one.
As my sister says, it is what it is.