Early Menopause … Living the Dream

ATTENTION TO THE MEN WHO READ MY BLOG:  Talk of periods, poop and PMS to follow.  Proceed with caution.

Getting older sucks.  Gray hair, wrinkles, constipation and, as if that wasn’t enough, peri-menopause and menopause.  Welcome to the world of irregular periods, hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain and severe mood swings … Good times!  Think lions and tigers and bears are scary?  Try living with a woman going through menopause … Screaming and crying and swearing, oh my!

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T.M.I. Alert:  I haven’t had a period since November 2012.  Thanksgiving day, to be exact.  Almost three years ago.  Menopause at age 40 … Yep, it’s true.

Between the ages of 38 and 40, I experienced typical peri-menopause symptoms: hot flashes and night sweats, sporadic periods and severe mood swings, sleepless nights and unexplained weight gain.  I thought I had severe PMS.  My family thought I was a crazy bitch with an attitude problem.  It sucked.  A LOT.  For me and everyone near me.  But it’s over now and I have to admit, being on the other side of menopause does have some benefits.  Here are the five best things about being post-menopausal:

  1. I save money not buying tampons and pads every month.
  2. I can wear white whenever I want.
  3. I spend less time shaving your legs (less body hair is another fun side effect of menopause).
  4. Three words: No more PMS.
  5. Two words: Safer sex (no birth control required!).

Jealous?

But for every positive, there’s a negative, right?  For example, …

  1. All the money I save not buying tampons is now spent on Poise pads and Benefiber.
  2. I still use “protection” when I wear white — just in case (you never know!).
  3. Less body hair applies everywhere, including eyebrows (although, I am constantly checking for old lady chin hairs).
  4. No PMS means I have no excuse for my bitchiness.
  5. No eggs = no more babies … Actually, at 43, I’m not sure there is a down side to this one.

As my sister says, it is what it is.

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– LJDT

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